Beginners Guide To BDSM

When you think about BDSM, what comes to mind? Is it leather, blindfolds and silk ties, or something more? If you are new to BDSM and curious about the lifestyle, you should know what BDSM means and how to get into it BDSM. You are in the right place. Let’s start with the fundamentals.

What is BDSM?

BDSM is often misconstrued as harmful either mentally or physically, it is important to understand that it is by far the case. BDSM is an umbrella term for a variety of sexual activities and an acronym for bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism.

Let’s take a look at what each of these means.

• Bondage is a form of sexual activity that involves one partner tying up or restraining the other to control their sexual pleasure. Most likely involving handcuffs, ropes and silk ties.
• Discipline is the practice of a dominant figure training a submissive to obey their commands or follow certain rules. This is where the submissive learns how to act and what is expected of them.
• Dominance is the general practice, customs and behaviours where power or control is asserted upon another person (the submissive). This can be physical assertion during sexual activity or emotional control over another.
• Submission is the opposite of dominance. Submission is the action of accepting assertion from another person (the dominant). Again can be physical or emotional submission.
• Sadism is the tendency to gain sexual gratification arousal from inflicting pain, humiliation or some form of suffering onto another.
• Masochism is the opposite from sadism. A masochist gains sexual gratification or arousal from receiving pain or humiliation from another. Most masochists gain empowerment from enduring the pain.

Please note, BDSM is for pleasure so the intensity and endurance levels are built up over time.

When practising BDSM it does not have to involve them all. For example, you might want to switch it up and enjoy spanking others and being spanked yourself. You can enjoy BDSM without becoming dominant or submissive. However, you will likely prefer one over the other.

Types Of BDSM

When we are discussing BDSM we often talk about kinks and fetishes. This is the umbrella term used to describe the “unconventional” sexual behaviours and desires commonly practised in a BDSM relationship.

A few common types of BDSM include:

• Bondage
• Foot Fetishes
• Spanking
• Sensation Play
• Cuckolding
• Voyeurism

For more details on the common BDSM kinks and fetishes in our community, read our kinks and fetishes article.

How To Get Into BDSM

If you have sexual fantasies you want to explore, we advise firstly experimenting with a partner and get to know your sexual desires in more depth. You might try getting tied to the headboard, being blindfolded during foreplay or giving your partner a gentle spanking. Start small using household items. If you do enjoy upping the ante in your sex life and it is something you want to explore further then you might want to speak to a professional dominatrix, mistress/master or seek more information online.

Once you have decided if the kink life is for you, then we would advise researching the BDSM community. This could involve joining an online BDSM community, or attending a local munch. Local munches are a great way of introducing yourself to the community, particularly if you are a single person. They are held in public spaces like cafes, bars or restaurants and attendees dress in casual clothes. These are casual meetings where kinks discuss BDSM, niches, fetishes and more! The online communities are a safe and discreet space to chat to kinky singles, read more about BDSM life and experiment. When joining a community you will likely feel slightly awkward. But, it is important to remember you are going to make mistakes but you are here to have fun.

One of the most important things you need before getting started in the BDSM lifestyle is a safeword. Safewords are a clear indication to your partner that you want to stop. Kinks generally pick words that have nothing to do with your scene, or sexual exploration, for example, banana or red. Safewords are critical for both newcomers who are experimenting and experienced kinks.

Once you have educated yourself on the BDSM lifestyle, spoken to kinks in your community and read up on safe practices, common kinks and BDSM etiquette, you should begin to explore. Find a kinky single in the community, or with your partner experiment with the different kinks, you find exciting. Take it slow, just because you want to explore BDSM does not mean you need to go full-on dominance and submission.

Communication is important for any sexual relationship but even more so in a BDSM relationship. Your partner should respect your boundaries, and you theirs. Be clear about your limits, turn-offs and emotional triggers. If you do not enjoy a certain aspect or intensity then stop. Remember, some BDSM activities can be dangerous. We strongly advise seeking professional or educational help from someone who knows what they are doing.

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