BDSM Beginners Guide: safe words, bondage basics

This is your gentle introduction into the BDSM scene where we’ll talk about the basic equipment that you’ll need and important aspects like safe words. Not everyone in the BDSM community are into the same aspects, some may like spanking while other prefer bondage. The key is to experiment until you find something that you and your partner like. Without knowing it you might already have tried some of the elements of this lifestyle like using the body’s sense of touch, limiting your senses by blindfolding or playing control games.

A "safeword" is codeword that will either completely stop the BDSM play or let your partner know the physical and emotional state that you are in. It is usually used by the submissive to communicate with the dominant and to tell them to quit or to reduce or increase the intensity. This illuminates any uncertainty as to whether someone is pleading or struggling just because they find it erotic, or whether they actually want everything to stop. You should always agree on a code that is easy to remember and pronounce and that you won’t use during ordinarily say during sex. Examples are of words are "red light", "scrambled eggs" or even the word "safeword" can be used. In the case where you are bound or gagged it is always important to establish non-verbal safe words beforehand.

If you are a beginner to this lifestyle and want to test yourself or your partner to see if you are into Bondage then one person can hold down the other’s arms during sex so that the person underneath can’t move. Novices should never use handcuffs since you can lose the key and you can hurt yourself when struggling. Instead visit our online shop and look at ankle cuffs or leather wrist bands. Experienced players can use rope and learn more about this practice in our Japanese rope bondage style (Shibari) section.

Spanking in public – beginner fetish toys

Thanks to the naughty school girl fantasy a lot of people are into over-the-knee spanking or using kinkier fetish toys to derive pleasure from pain. A lot of beginners want to know what equipment you will find in a BDSM club. The most common are spanking benches, dungeon furniture like chairs and tables, Berkley horse, bondage bed, swings and a smotherbox.

You don’t need any of these things if you are starting out with the lifestyle. You can just improvise and start looking for items around your home that you can pervert. The BDSM community even have a name for these items - "Pervertables". Start out in the kitchen as spatulas, wooden spoons and window rods are very good spanking tools for beginners. Move on to the bathroom where you’ll find hairbrushes, the closet where you’ll find belts and shoes and the garage for plastic rods and paintbrushes. Shopping can also turn into fore-play as you visit the hardware store, pet store for a leash, collar or gag and the craft shop for feathers and leather laces.